My Worries

Jar

Everyone tells me not to worry so much but yeah ok that does not work well at all.  I worry all the time!  I worry about the kids even though they do not live with me, but that is every parent!   I worry about the fact that I am never good enough all of the time. That is the biggest worry I have and I cant stop that honestly. I have tried. I tell my self differently but it does not help. I  feel like I am never good enough for anyone. I feel I am not pretty enough, I worry I am not skinny Enough. I worry I am not perfect enough!

 

Change

I do not have just one moment that changed me. Their is several that actually did. My children of course changed Who I was in general. I was not only responsible for me but I was responsible for three Kids.  Three amazing children that I love dearly and would do anything for but that is any parent. Honestly I have not met a parent who would not do anything for their children!  Though that is not all of this.

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Honestly the moment that I decided to leave My Ex Husband. That moment changed me. I had to learn to live on my own and do things on my own. I did not have someone to support me and help me get through the hardest times.    I managed to over come so many  obstacles and what ever else  that stood in my way.   The biggest one was leaving West Virginia. I had a place in mind and that is where I wanted to be no matter what. So I packed up what I could and moved my self to Indiana.  Granted I had very little money but I did it. I got to Indiana and I was ready for my new life. I got a job, a place to live all on my own.. Yes it took me a while to actually get on my feet but you know what I did it.

Along the way it took me some time to try and find my self so to speak!  I fell in love and was broken in the process.   That was not a mistake because it taught me to be a stronger person and to stand on my own.    I think with that the relationship is something I wanted but was not the way I had envisioned it.  I mean how do you be with a person you never see?  So being on my own taught me to be a stronger person!

 

Victory is Mine

I'm The Best

Today the topic is Your Biggest Victory!

That one is a tricky one but I am going to have to say that My Biggest Victory is when I finally got enough courage and left my Ex Husband.  We were married for 19 years but it was a very unhappy 19 years of marriage.  He spent the first 10 years trying to get away from me and the last 9 years trying to learn how to deal with me.  I simply stayed as long as I did for the sake of my children! Anyone who has known me for any length of time will tell you that it was a miserable marriage.

Many times before I wanted to leave but I never did. Finally in 2016 I did and that was the best thing I could have ever done for my self! Granted I fell flat on my face at first but I got up and continued with life once again!

What can you say your biggest victory is?

Organized Or Messy

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Today the topic is Are you organized or Messy? Believe it or not. I am actually a pretty organized person.   I know that sometimes it is hard to be when you have a lot going on but with me  having things organized is something I have always done.

Being an army wife for 19 years and a mom you learn to keep track of everything. A messy desk or room is no way to do that.   I have 2 filing cabinets and a few other stands that help me stay organized!  I tend to keep things so I can find them when I need to.   I have planners that help me organize appointments and different things for the month!
Sometimes I admit I do tend to leave something out of place on my desk but later I have to go through and put it where it belongs and that starts the process of re organizing everything!    That I tend to do on a weekly bases!  Though sometimes I have an Organized Mess!  Well that is when someone messes with things and I have to go through and fix them!

Are you organized or messy?

Compliments

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Starting off May with a Blog Challenge with My Pea from Forever Myself! We figured it would be interesting to do this together so we decided why not!

Today’s topic is a Recent Compliment! The most recent comment I guess would have to be from a lady who works at Taco Bell. We went in recently while Diana Visited for spring break and she said I looked beautiful with my hair cut the way it is now.
That made my day! Someone we met in passing to say something like that even though she does not really know anything about us! Yes, Kris tells me I am beautiful but that does not really make me content. When a friend or someone I don’t know says it I tend to smile more. Why I am not really sure. Just seems to be the way it works! I know a few people who are the same way!  Hearing others say thing about you that do not know you generally makes one feel good about them self! I know it does me!

Feeling Invisible

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Ever get that feeling that you are just simply invisible, here to fill a space, or care for the needs of others? But honestly when it comes to you and your needs and wants it is like nothing matters!   That is exactly how I feel at times. Sometimes I think i am here just to care for the needs of others or to fill space, and no one really sees me at all because I am invisible! You give someone your all  and it seems that you get nothing in return!  Sometimes I ask my self if this will ever change but then again I realize no  it wont ever change!

You get use to being treated one way though you wish you were not and you become accustomed to it sadly.  You have to tell your self you deserve better but then you second guess your every thought and wonder are you really with more than what you are used to!

So in the end I am the one who is invisible and always going to be that way! Though maybe some day some one will not always see me this way!