You can’t put a price tag on love or can you? That is the one thing that is on my mind today! Why, the reasoning is very simple.. My birthday is next month and I was thinking about what I wanted.. I do not ask for much on my birthday simple reasons I never get it.. The first thing that came to mind is something I have wanted to do for a while now.. A simple tattoo on my shoulder blade that says Always & Forever. That came to a quick no, because her family does not believe in tattoos. They are the work of the devil and so forth. I have 7 and would I go as far as regretting my tattoos no way in hell.. So thinking about it something else that came to mind is a New Barnes and Nobles Nook because the one I have died and I love reading.. I was told when I get the money and thinking to my self how the hell is that ever going to happen because I have no job because I stay here and clean the house and take care of every one else.. You would think that someone who supposedly loves you and appreciates everything that you do for them as much as she claims she does would spend a little bit on money on the person you care about.. I was sadly mistaken. So it seems a price tag has been put on love.. Hell I have told her for months that I need a pedicure because my heals are getting so bad that it hurts to walk, that has not happened yet and possibly wont happen anytime soon. SO guess what I deal with it.. I was told that I ask for everything.. Ok just because I said something in cute does not mean I want it.. Yes, It would be nice to actually have new clothes that I have not had for years but no that wont happen.. I deal with what I have. Do I want to get out and get a job yes just so i can get away from here. But what then I still wont have money because I have to help with the household expenses while She does nothing because her back is hurt. I hurt to but then again i am told its NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME! Story of my life.. Nothing is never about me! Can i be put first before anyone else even a dog? No I am last when it comes to everyone!
That is why the post title today.. I feel that love came with a price tag and honestly. The thing is what can you do to change it or fix it when it comes to this point! Enough ramblings for the moment.. I will be back later!
Thinking Out Loud – I wish I could actually say how I feel to people and they actually understand it! Thinking back on the past and how things went and how you felt.. It is something that you can never forget no matter what lies ahead for either of you. Do I think things could have been different? Yes, but things happen in our lives for a reason and honestly sometimes you have to go with the flow of things.. Though sometimes you want to go back and change the past and you realize that you can’t.
How I feel about all of that takes a toll on you every single day. Especially when you loved someone and yes they loved you back. But they were not willing to give up one thing! It is something that tends to play the what if game with your mind and heart! It seems to make you wonder would things have changed and you would have been able to be with the one person or would it still be a constant battle. Though sometimes you can not live that battle of what if, especially when you know that it was never meant to be. I wish somestimes you would just understand this and know how I feel. I can tell you so many times but you will never quiet get it. I can’t help you lead your double life!
You know as May ended, I realized that I never really finished the blog challenge and that seems to be the normal thing with me at times. I get busy and not able to blog as much as I want to.
I don’t know why though. It starts off well and then in the end I never end up finishing things. Photo challenges are the only ones I tend to do but sometimes not even those. So i think I will do challenges at my own pace. It seems to be the best way to do it well for me anyway!
So maybe what I think I am going to do is just do posts when I can do them and try and start blogging at least a few times a week and do things as much as I can!
I am not even sure where to begin with 2018. It seems to start and end the same way. Hoping that the new year is alot better but who can really say that for sure. You think when you start off a year it will always be better than the last one but honestly it seems to turn out just like the last one. The only thing 2018 taught me is never look back on the past. Always look forward to tomorrow. Never take things or any one for granted.. You never know what the future will hold for you or them! They may cross your path again. Usually that means they are in your life for one reason or another! You never know!
Though 2019 I am determined to make it better for me. I plan on making the most of the new year! What are my 2019 Goals ? I have a few of them actually
Blog More – Do a few posts a week
Find a good job. All things considered if appointments for everyone allows
Talk to my kids more. I may not be able to see them as much as i want to but that does not mean i can not talk to them Facetime, skype, what ever it may be.
Read more – put my kindle and my nook to use. READ
clean out my hard drives finally – delete alot of the old things! Pictures i will of course save because though they may hold pieces of past memories you never know when you want to look back at what life has taught you!
Get a better phone!
Realize who my friends and family are and remove those out of my life that always try to put me down no matter what i do.
be better organized – use Cozi more for appointments and reminders of things – clean my file cabinets as well as my paper files as well as the shelf i have.. See what i want to keep and remove all the other stuff.. RECYCLE
Loose some weight- I am not big by any means but i want to loose some weight
DO MORE FOR ME AND ENJOY 2019 – Making the most of it!
Don’t Look Back – You’re Not Going – That Way!
Though it never hurts to sit back and reflect on things that made you who you are today!
Reflections of the past are not a bad thing necessarily but they can remind us we have a full life and future ahead of us. This morning talking to my dearest and sweetest friend Lynda
(aka My Sweet Pea!) We were talking about the past and how I have became a stronger better person because of it.. No matter what I went through or had to endure I always pulled
my self up and started all over again! I am guessing I should go into a bit more detail than that huh.. Ok So I guess I will.. Here it goes
Since March of 2016 When I left West Virginia to move to Indiana I knew that things would not be easy or simple.. I fell for the most amazing person at the time and though
I was on top of the world only to fall flat on my face a few times. I get their and I meet Chris for the first time face to face and was ecstatic with love and joy! The first few nights
we stayed in a hotel and then after wards we went camping. That is when it went down hill after a few short days.. He had lost him home and had no place for us to go.. So I ended
up sleeping in my Van as did he when he got off work! That lasted March and April – I had gotten a job at Amazon through a temp agency and worked to save up the money to
get a place to live.. It took me a bit but by May I was able to get us a place to live in a trailer park. I changed jobs and started working at the Flying J instead. I loved my new job and
I was happy I was able to have a life outside of working and sleeping. I was able to work normal hours and got to see Chris abit more.
Though a few weeks into that things went down hill fast.. He stopped coming home but would always text me and call me.. Said he was working due to Peek and every one knows that
around certain times of the year amazon is crazy with back logs on orders and so forth so I without a doubt believed him.. He would come home at times and spend time with me even if it
was a few short hours a day.. I did not mind or care as long as I was able to get some time that is all that I really wanted! It was summer time and yes in June is when Peek for Amazon starts
picking up! It was ok though I got used to it.. Then by the end of August when my divorce from Rick was final it was suddenly Chris had to file bankruptcy and all this other stuff to stay
out of jail due to medical bills because of his heart condition. I did not know any better so any of the extra money I got went to help with that. I thought at first it was the stupidest thing I have ever heard of but not impossible with the Laws in certain states.
After he got the money to get that paid off – Things seemed to have its ups and downs. It all took an emotional toll on me. I moved from the trailer and into a small 1 bedroom apartment. It was cheaper on me in the long run. Chris came home less and less. No matter how many times he promised it seemed to be broken promises. My birthday we were supposed to spend time together for the day and i was only able to get 3 hours due to the fact of he had to work! I was hurt, disappointed and cried all night! It seemed to be a normal thing.. Though he called later that night and I felt a little better! Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all came around and I spent the time working. It was the end of January He made the decision with out me to send me back to West Virginia and he would get a transfer up that way so we would have a life together.. That was the end of December 2016! I did end up back in WVa. Got my job transferred to the Flying J in Winchester and I stayed with Rick and the Kids till February of 2017 then I moved in With Crystal.. That was a nightmare and a half but I survived.. Chris never got the transfer to Virginia but to Arizona instead so I was told any way! I was never allowed to know more than that.. Never given an address anything! He called and Texted me daily still.. Through the Months at Crystals I had Diana and I loved being able to be near the kids. It was May and the roof in the bed room Diana and I slept in collapsed and we had no place to say.. Rick let me stay their a bit but that did not last long at all.. I had to take the girls back and forth to school though i did not mind if I was off in time.
It was June and I was in a hotel for a while paid for by one of my friends – Sending me 186.00 a week to pay for the room and all I had to do was get food and so forth. I was ok with that.. It was July and my friend suggest me move to PA and I would have a place to stay rent free and all.. I just needed to get a job and so forth and help with the house hold bills which I did that and I was ok with it.. Moved to PA started working at Staples and that lasted for a while.. Chris ended the relationship and I was broken.. Told me he had found someone else and all this other stuff.. When that happens alot goes through your mind and you wonder if you are ever good enough for anyone.. I found my self getting on Second Life more and more and that is where I met Kris.. I was not looking for anyone but their she was! She took me by surprise..
Talking we realized we only lived 45 minutes from one another so we took a chance and met and have been together every since August 2017. Some may say we got married way to fast but after a failing marriage and a broken heart after so long together you know what is right for you.. I will tell you that after Chris ended things I was constantly depressed, crying. Wondering what I did wrong. Wondering why this is happening to me.. Wondering if I was meant to be alone forever! Kris came into my life at just the right moment and picked things up and turned them around! It was October and I moved in with her and her family, I got the job I have now at Walmart!
I often look back on things and how things changed me but I never dwell on the past! It is never a good thing to do. Some times I do wish things were a bit different in the past and Chris let go of me sooner than he did but you know I can not change that only except the fact that he did when he thought it was the right time to and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for what he taught me and what he showed me as well as the love he gave me! Though the past has made me the person I am today! It has taught me it is ok to be weak as long as I dont make my self vulnerable. It has made a Strong and Independent person! One who has learned from her mistakes and flaws and looks back on how to make things right!
What is your reflection of the past and what has it taught you?
Hello June, You have never looked so good! May was a rough but amazing ride! So much happened and so much to tell. Sad part is I know that depression is right around the corner if I let it get to me so I am trying not to let that happen. Though I should be pretty happy!
You all know what an ass Ex Husbands can be especially mine if you know him or have heard me talk about him at times.. Well lets put it this way he thinks he can get to me but hell that is not happening.. He took the van back after I have had it since 2016! Wow really and he had the nerve to say the House is an upgrade compaired to what I was living in when I first moved to Pennsylvania. I am thinking to my self what was he expecting when I first got here a 4 bedroom house with a 3 car garage. Yeah that is really damn near impossible on a cashiers salary! Oh and did I mention he showed up with his New Wife! Yes he decided to get remarried the end of April. Knowing I was planning to the middle of May.. Oh well..
So as some of you have heard I got remarried May 12, 2018! I swore it would never happen but honestly what can I say I found someone who changed my mind completely! I have been told that I should never re-marry again after my first divorce but you know we all have to start over at somepoint in time! I must say that over the few years I have learned alot. Mainly about Independance as well as taking care of my self before I can others. Though that one I am still working on. You also realize that you may may go through a few bad relationships to get that one perfect one who will change your whole outlook and everything on life!
Sometimes alot has to happen in a persons life to make them see things and it truly has!
Isn’t that the truth? I keep so much to my self because it seems that no one really understands. The last few months seems to be total hell and chaos! Well as most of my readers knew I moved from Indiana back to West Virginia to be closer to the kids. Well that did not go exactly as planned.. Come to find out my ex husband is actually moving to New Jersey. So Yeah.. I get that and I understand completely. So as some knew that I was actually staying with him and the kids for a bit but his Girl friend did not like the fact that I was there so I had to leave. I had no place to go so a friend of mine let me stay with her because that is where Diana was staying for school. Well that was ok but things kind of went all wrong and crazy. Diana was the one doing all the chores and her kids and her did nothing.. Even when I came home from work I had to help Diana.. So it was stressful, lots of yelling and screaming and all everyday.
Now we are in a Hotel for a week. Probably not the best place but you know it is better than the van or someplace else worse. I am grateful that I have an amazing man in my life who puts me and Diana first.. I will have to explain more on that later.
Anyways I am still working at Flying J and now they cut me from 37 hours down to 20 hours a week and that is crazy. I am not sure how they expect me to actually support my child with 20 hours a week.. I am not sure at all, I guess it maybe something that I have to figure out.