Behind the Mask

 

We all tend to wear masks at times but some more than others. We try and put on a happy face for others and those you love when all honesty all you want to do is crumble. It is hard to pretend you are strong when you are falling apart at the seams and no one seems to notice really! Lately it seems to be a constant mask that I put on just for people to think that I am happy. I wonder was it really the right thing to do start over with my life when i am falling apart and no one seems to care. I thought I found the one who made me happy but lately it seems that I was wrong. It seems that the last 3 months have been a non stop argument. I hate this.. I am mentally and physically exhausted and I can not keep doing this.. I am falling apart at the seems and no one can put this back together.. My heart is shattered and broken barely holding on to what little bit of faith that things will work out at some point but lately i am beginning to think that is pointless why have faith if I am not even sure faith is what i need right now. I need a miracle to fix this!

At home or at work my mask is on! I have to pretend to be happy and that is hard at times! I should not always have to pretend to do anything. I should not have to pretend to be happy. Happiness should come automatically but that is not happening lately. I find peace when i am writing and that is hard to do when every time I try and write or i am typing anything all I ever hear is who are you talking to. Why is it that people assume when you are typing you are talking to someone. I am a typer, I am a thinking, I am very compassionate about what I do. So when I think of things I am typing them out. It is simply who i am..  You can not expect people to change their ways to fit into your life, but yet i am expected to stop everything and change everything to make someone happy!   When you try your best to please someone and get no where you begin to wonder if it is worth trying any more!  I am physically exhausted from trying! I am to tired to fight any more!

A mask does not help you change or hide the person that you are. It simply is only their to pretend that you are happy when you really are dying inside. I think a few times I have taken the mask aside and truly smiled but that is when I am talking to those who know the person that I am and except me for that. No hiding or pretending to be someone or something I am not in-front of them. So no need for that mask! It is a battle of mixed emotions at times and though I know my well being is at stake but honestly if I let my guard down and take the mask off it gets hard to hid those emotions. So Its keep my heart guarded and the mask on and only let those true to you know what really lies beneath it. Though what is underneath the mask, is puffy eyes, a broken heart and tear stained cheeks. All in all An Emotional, Fragile person who is tired of being hurt, mistreated and abused. Weather it be emotional or physical…

2 thoughts on “Behind the Mask

  1. Sam I’m am so sorry to hear this. Life isn’t fair sometimes but you don’t need a life that’s making you miserable. Is there anyway you can go back to WV? I am sad to hear this is happening. You can always come to NM and stay with us if you need too. I know it’s a bit far to travel but our door is always open if you need a fresh start. I never say much but want you to know that I love you and hate seeing a post like this from you!!

    Like

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