Fear – Doing It Right.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash



When reading the Bible in a year do you literally just read it like any other book? Or do you actually look for the message and apply it to your daily life? I tried to read the bible in a year as I’ve said previously in another post. I don’t know how anyone can grasp every detail, every message and lesson, apply it to their daily life and actually complete the bible in a year. My brain isn’t wired like that. I need a verse or even a small section of a book and literally read, re-read, write it down, think about it for a couple of days and then realize just what that particular passage means. On the other foot, doing a verse or two a day I seem to feel like I’m not spending enough time in God’s word. I’m finding it hard to find that perfect notch in my bible journal and scripture study.

I’ve had people say they spend three or four hours a day in the bible and another hour or two in prayer. I’ve had other people say they do three minutes a day in the bible and 5 or 10 minutes in prayer 3 times a day. Then there’s the inner me who says to read, study and pray for as long as it takes you to get the message, to tell the Lord what you have in your heart. And I can’t pray without writing it. My mind is all over the place if I don’t. I actually write letters to God. They are never very short either. I have a lot to say I suppose. I don’t ever hardly petition for myself except for patience, guidance and strength, but I do pray for everyone else hard. Some days it doesn’t seem enough and others too much. But God knows what’s in my heart and he answers my prayers when he feels it’s time to grant the prayers. I have to admit, it can be frustrating at times wondering if I’m asking God for too much even for others who need a hand from Him to feel relief, compassion and to have God wrap his arms around them and just hold them for a moment. Just so much so fast for someone who has only been with an open heart to God for just over a year. I’ve always believed, I just never prayed unless I was desperate and didn’t attend church.

Questions to my new path are always coming up. Am I praying correctly? Am I studying cripture enough? Am I pleasing God? Am I being forgiven when I repent my sins, or is there another tally mark to ask me about at Judgement? Can I apply what God is telling me or am I going to keep failing?

I don’t doubt God. Not ever.

I doubt myself constantly. Especially where being a Christian is concerned. Although I must be doing something right somewhere. He’s answered a couple of prayers and it didn’t take long. God is amazing, God is great. But it’s me I have to worry about all of the time. The fear of failure. And I’m having a hard time giving that fear up to Him and gain the confidence and courage to do what I’m asked to do, what I’m needing to do on this new life I’ve jumped into with both feet on total blind faith.

Trial and error? Just like anything else in life.

I wont give up because He wont give up on me!


God Bless and Protect.

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