Reflections

Don’t Look Back – You’re Not Going – That Way!
Though it never hurts to sit back and  reflect on things that made you who you are today!

Reflections of the past are not a bad thing necessarily but they can remind us we have a full life and future ahead of us.   This morning talking to my dearest and sweetest friend Lynda
(aka My Sweet Pea!) We were talking about the past and how I have became a stronger better person because of it..  No matter what I went through or had to endure I always pulled
my self up and started all over again!  I am guessing I should go into a bit more detail than that huh..  Ok So I guess I will.. Here it goes

Since March of 2016 When I left West Virginia to move to Indiana I knew that things would not be easy or simple.. I fell for the most amazing person at the time and though
I was on top of the world only to fall flat on my face a few times.  I get their and I meet Chris for the first time face to face and was ecstatic with love and joy!  The first few nights
we stayed in a hotel and then after wards we went camping.  That is when it went down hill after a few short days.. He had lost him home and had no place for us to go.. So I ended
up sleeping in my Van as did he when he got off work!   That lasted March and April – I had gotten a job at Amazon through a temp agency  and worked to save up the money to
get a place to live.. It took me a bit but by May I was able to get us a place to live in a trailer park.  I changed jobs and started working at the Flying J instead. I loved my new job and
I was happy I was able to have a life outside of working and sleeping. I was able to work normal hours and got to see Chris abit more.

Though a few weeks into that things went down hill fast.. He stopped coming home but would always text me and call me.. Said he was working due to Peek and every one knows that
around certain times of the year amazon is crazy with back logs on orders and so forth so I without a doubt believed him.. He would come home at times and spend time with me even if it
was a few short hours a day.. I did not mind or care as long as I was able to get some time that is all that I really wanted!   It was summer time and yes in June is when Peek for Amazon starts
picking up!  It was ok though I got used to it.. Then by the end of August when my divorce from Rick was final it was suddenly Chris had to file bankruptcy and all this other stuff to stay
out of jail due to medical bills because of his heart condition. I did not know any better so any of the extra money I got went to help with that.  I thought at first it was the stupidest thing I have ever heard of but not impossible with the Laws in certain states.

After he got the money to get that paid off – Things seemed to have its ups and downs. It all took an emotional toll on me. I moved from the trailer and into a small 1 bedroom apartment.  It was cheaper on me in the long run.  Chris came home less and less. No matter how many times he promised it seemed to be broken promises.   My birthday we were supposed to spend time together for  the day and i was only able to get 3 hours due to the fact of he had to work!  I was hurt, disappointed and cried all night!  It seemed to be a normal thing.. Though he called later that night and I felt a little better!   Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all came around and I spent the time working.  It was the end of January He made the decision with out me to send me back to West Virginia and he would get a transfer up that way so we would have a life together..  That was the end of December 2016!  I  did end up back in WVa. Got my job transferred to the Flying J in Winchester and I stayed with Rick and the Kids till February of 2017 then I moved in With Crystal.. That was a nightmare and a half but I survived..   Chris never got the transfer to Virginia but to Arizona instead so I was told any way!  I was never allowed to know more than that.. Never given an address anything!   He called and Texted me daily still..   Through the Months at Crystals I had Diana and I loved being able to be near the kids.  It was May and the roof in the bed room Diana and I slept in collapsed and we had no place to say.. Rick let me stay their a bit but that did not last long at all..  I had to take the girls back and forth to school though i did not mind if I was off in time.

It was June and I was in a hotel for a while paid for by one of my friends – Sending me 186.00 a week to pay for the room and all I had to do was get food and so forth. I was ok with that..  It was July and my friend suggest me move to PA and I would have a place to stay rent free and all.. I just needed to get a job and so forth and help with the house hold bills which I did that and I was ok with it..  Moved to PA started working at Staples and that lasted for a while.. Chris ended the relationship and I was broken.. Told me he had found someone else and all this other stuff.. When that happens alot goes through your mind and you wonder if you are ever good enough for anyone..  I found my self getting on Second Life more and more and that is where I met Kris..  I was not looking for anyone but their she was!  She took me by surprise..

Talking we realized we only lived 45 minutes from one another so we took a chance and met and have been together every since August 2017. Some may say we got married way to fast but after a failing marriage and a broken heart after so long together you know what is right for you.. I will tell you that after Chris ended things I was constantly depressed, crying. Wondering what I did wrong. Wondering why this is happening to me.. Wondering if I was meant to be alone forever!   Kris came into my life at just the right moment and picked things up and turned them around!  It was October and I moved in with her and her family, I got the job I have now at Walmart!

I often look back on things and how things changed me but I never dwell on the past! It is never a good thing to do.  Some times I do wish things were a bit different in the past and Chris let go of me sooner than he did but you know I can not change that only except the fact that he did when he thought it was the right time to and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for what he taught me and what he showed me as well as the love he gave me!  Though the past has made me the person I am today! It has taught me it is ok to be weak as long as I dont make my self vulnerable.  It has made a Strong and Independent person!  One who has learned from her mistakes and flaws and looks back on how to make things right!

What is your reflection of the past and what has it taught you?

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