Mistakes

We all makes  mistakes in life that we can not change though we regret them. My biggest mistake is being stuck with one or 2 of my ex husbands bills..  Yes, you read that right. I am stuck with his bills.  I can not pay them right out because the balance is to high!  One of them alone right now is over $4,000.00, that is no joke.. Daily I get calls from the collection agency. When can you take care of this balance. No matter how many times I have told them it is not mine, I get the same some and dance. “Well your name was added to the account so their for we can not reach him and you are the only one we can get a hold of so their for it is your responsibility to pay this.  It gets so old any more. I mean hell, they take my taxes every single year and have for the past 2 years. Even state takes. Did I mention, A month a go I sent them 1,000.00 and that has take the debit down to what it is now.. Sadly they add interest at a high rate that small weekly payments are not even enough to make a dent in it due to interest!  That right their  is enough to drive anyone crazy!

So the other day at work, Someone asked me how i was so young and have been divorced! I think that was the hardest thing for me to answer but yet the easiest!  Its not a mistake or the hardest thing getting divorced. When the person you were with tells you our of his own mouth that he is only with you still because of the kids  and emotionally and physically abuses you then it is honestly time to get out while you can. I am sad that it took me so long to realize what I was worth!  Though sometimes now I still have a hard time realizing that. When you go through it for a better part of 18 years, you have a hard time believing you are actually worth something!  I would have gotten out of the relationship sooner if I actually thought I could but it was never the right time. Others will say it was not the right time when I did but when you start to feel your depression kicking into high gear and you your self begin to feel that you are better off not around it is time to get out!  Even if it means leaving everything and your children behind because you knew deep down he was capable of taking care of them more than you could at the moment!   That is one mistake I can not change.. He has the girls though Christianna is going to be 18 in September.  I would love to get custody of Diana but that is making sure I have a steady job working more than 3 days a week 4 hours a day!

Though story of my life no matter the fact that I have moved on. I am stuck paying for debits that belong to my ex husband.. A mistake indeed to co sign anything with him!

Reflections

Don’t Look Back – You’re Not Going – That Way!
Though it never hurts to sit back and  reflect on things that made you who you are today!

Reflections of the past are not a bad thing necessarily but they can remind us we have a full life and future ahead of us.   This morning talking to my dearest and sweetest friend Lynda
(aka My Sweet Pea!) We were talking about the past and how I have became a stronger better person because of it..  No matter what I went through or had to endure I always pulled
my self up and started all over again!  I am guessing I should go into a bit more detail than that huh..  Ok So I guess I will.. Here it goes

Since March of 2016 When I left West Virginia to move to Indiana I knew that things would not be easy or simple.. I fell for the most amazing person at the time and though
I was on top of the world only to fall flat on my face a few times.  I get their and I meet Chris for the first time face to face and was ecstatic with love and joy!  The first few nights
we stayed in a hotel and then after wards we went camping.  That is when it went down hill after a few short days.. He had lost him home and had no place for us to go.. So I ended
up sleeping in my Van as did he when he got off work!   That lasted March and April – I had gotten a job at Amazon through a temp agency  and worked to save up the money to
get a place to live.. It took me a bit but by May I was able to get us a place to live in a trailer park.  I changed jobs and started working at the Flying J instead. I loved my new job and
I was happy I was able to have a life outside of working and sleeping. I was able to work normal hours and got to see Chris abit more.

Though a few weeks into that things went down hill fast.. He stopped coming home but would always text me and call me.. Said he was working due to Peek and every one knows that
around certain times of the year amazon is crazy with back logs on orders and so forth so I without a doubt believed him.. He would come home at times and spend time with me even if it
was a few short hours a day.. I did not mind or care as long as I was able to get some time that is all that I really wanted!   It was summer time and yes in June is when Peek for Amazon starts
picking up!  It was ok though I got used to it.. Then by the end of August when my divorce from Rick was final it was suddenly Chris had to file bankruptcy and all this other stuff to stay
out of jail due to medical bills because of his heart condition. I did not know any better so any of the extra money I got went to help with that.  I thought at first it was the stupidest thing I have ever heard of but not impossible with the Laws in certain states.

After he got the money to get that paid off – Things seemed to have its ups and downs. It all took an emotional toll on me. I moved from the trailer and into a small 1 bedroom apartment.  It was cheaper on me in the long run.  Chris came home less and less. No matter how many times he promised it seemed to be broken promises.   My birthday we were supposed to spend time together for  the day and i was only able to get 3 hours due to the fact of he had to work!  I was hurt, disappointed and cried all night!  It seemed to be a normal thing.. Though he called later that night and I felt a little better!   Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all came around and I spent the time working.  It was the end of January He made the decision with out me to send me back to West Virginia and he would get a transfer up that way so we would have a life together..  That was the end of December 2016!  I  did end up back in WVa. Got my job transferred to the Flying J in Winchester and I stayed with Rick and the Kids till February of 2017 then I moved in With Crystal.. That was a nightmare and a half but I survived..   Chris never got the transfer to Virginia but to Arizona instead so I was told any way!  I was never allowed to know more than that.. Never given an address anything!   He called and Texted me daily still..   Through the Months at Crystals I had Diana and I loved being able to be near the kids.  It was May and the roof in the bed room Diana and I slept in collapsed and we had no place to say.. Rick let me stay their a bit but that did not last long at all..  I had to take the girls back and forth to school though i did not mind if I was off in time.

It was June and I was in a hotel for a while paid for by one of my friends – Sending me 186.00 a week to pay for the room and all I had to do was get food and so forth. I was ok with that..  It was July and my friend suggest me move to PA and I would have a place to stay rent free and all.. I just needed to get a job and so forth and help with the house hold bills which I did that and I was ok with it..  Moved to PA started working at Staples and that lasted for a while.. Chris ended the relationship and I was broken.. Told me he had found someone else and all this other stuff.. When that happens alot goes through your mind and you wonder if you are ever good enough for anyone..  I found my self getting on Second Life more and more and that is where I met Kris..  I was not looking for anyone but their she was!  She took me by surprise..

Talking we realized we only lived 45 minutes from one another so we took a chance and met and have been together every since August 2017. Some may say we got married way to fast but after a failing marriage and a broken heart after so long together you know what is right for you.. I will tell you that after Chris ended things I was constantly depressed, crying. Wondering what I did wrong. Wondering why this is happening to me.. Wondering if I was meant to be alone forever!   Kris came into my life at just the right moment and picked things up and turned them around!  It was October and I moved in with her and her family, I got the job I have now at Walmart!

I often look back on things and how things changed me but I never dwell on the past! It is never a good thing to do.  Some times I do wish things were a bit different in the past and Chris let go of me sooner than he did but you know I can not change that only except the fact that he did when he thought it was the right time to and for that I am grateful. I am grateful for what he taught me and what he showed me as well as the love he gave me!  Though the past has made me the person I am today! It has taught me it is ok to be weak as long as I dont make my self vulnerable.  It has made a Strong and Independent person!  One who has learned from her mistakes and flaws and looks back on how to make things right!

What is your reflection of the past and what has it taught you?

Hello June

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Hello June, You have never looked so good!  May was a rough but amazing ride!  So much happened and so much to tell.  Sad part is I know that depression is right around the corner if I let it get to me so  I am trying not to let that happen. Though I should be pretty happy!

You all know what an ass Ex Husbands can be especially mine if you know him or have heard me talk about him at times.. Well lets put it this way he thinks he can get to me but hell that is not happening.. He took the van back after I have had it since 2016!  Wow really and he had the nerve to say the House is an upgrade compaired to what I was living in when I first moved to Pennsylvania. I am thinking to my self what was he expecting when I first got here a 4 bedroom house with a 3 car garage. Yeah that is really damn near impossible on a cashiers salary!  Oh and did I mention he showed up with his New Wife!  Yes he decided to get remarried the end of April. Knowing I was planning to the middle of May..  Oh well..

So as some of you have heard I got remarried May 12, 2018! I swore it would never happen but honestly what can I say I found someone who changed my mind completely! I have been told that I should never re-marry again after my first divorce but you know we all have to start over at somepoint in time!   I must say that over the few years I have learned alot. Mainly about Independance as well as taking care of my self before I can others. Though that one I am still working on.  You also realize that you may may go through a few bad relationships to get that one perfect one who will change your whole outlook and everything on life!

Sometimes alot has to happen in a persons life to make them see things and it truly has!

 

 

 

Long Overdue

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Well It is time I actually sat down and updated everyone on what is going on in my Life.. Well, I think the last time I wrote anything was living in a hotel.. Well let me just tell you things have changed and have gotten alot better..

Diana is in New Jersey with the Ex and His New Wife.. Yes He remarried.  Christianna loves her and you know thats ok even though she barely speaks to me.   I am living in Pennsylvania now and am Engaged. Well I should say getting Married in less than a week..    Richard is still in West Virginia as far as I know and is doing well for him self. I try and talk to all the kids. Well when they talk to me that is..

It is Exciting but I am a nervous wreck.. It is not a big huge wedding. Just something Simple and Sweet.. The way I want it.. Pictures will come trust me..   I am sure everyone will get tired of seeing them after a while..

Anyways Before I get More into that. I guess I should give you a Full update..
In June I moved from West Virginia to Pennsylvania and started life here.  It was very hectic and I thought  finding someone who actually loved me for me and was not using me would be hard but  I was wrong.  More on that soon..  I have seen the girls 2 times since I have been in PA and its been hard but you can only do so much when the X husband will not allow you to see them..