Never Good Enough ?

Ever have the moments where you feel like you are Never Good Enough?   Lately it seems that I am never good enough for anyone not even my family.   From being told you are a Disgrace and Disappointment that just makes you feel great.   Then the next day being told the next day it never was said.  So I am like really What the Hell do I do. I can not please everyone and cant seem to make everyone happy.  I do my best and try to make everyone happy and of course I am human and I make mistakes.  No one in life is perfect and if you think you are perfect then you need to look in the mirror.  Hell I admit I am not perfect. I know I make mistakes, I know that I am human and I make mistakes.
I do my best.   I work all the time and do nothing.. So how am I making mistakes now? I guess it is because of the simple fact that I do what ever I can.






Feeling Better

I have been feeling  a little bit better. The crying has stopped so that is a plus.  I have yet to discover anything else right now. Though honestly I am so afraid of being alone. I honestly hate being alone sometimes and yes there is nothing I can do about that
really.   I am ok really I am well  I try and be any ways.  Though really and honestly I can not afford another heartbreak.   It seems that is all I am ever meant for is heartache.  I try my best to understand why things happen like this as well as why am I the one destined for heartache.  At times I wonder if  its just because right now I am so scattered and have been stressed. Maybe after the first of the year things will be alot better and there will be no more heart break.    Thankfully I am feeling better about things and that is the only way to be.  I am doing the best I can with everything!   I am managing to get things paid and hopefully caught up maybe.   That one is a tough question though.  Anyways I better close so I can get some rest. I am getting sick and sadly I am so tired.  Sweet Dreams Everyone!

When is it really over?


When is a relationship really over? I mean you love someone and give this person your all and get nothing in return. I do not understand it really.  I mean I would bend over backwards to help and of course when I am the one who needs help I get nothing in return.   I never asked  for anything.  So sometimes I am wondering when is it really over?   I have cried so many moments and spent so many nights alone.  I hate being alone.. When I have a bad day at work I want to come home and have someone to hold me and tell me things are ok.   I want someone to hold me at  night when I have a nightmare.   I want someone to be goofy with me, cuddle me and watch movies and stupid shows with me.  I want someone who will come to work just to surprise me and and just tell me that they love me.   Sometimes it seems that it is something that I will never have though.  Sometimes I wonder when things will really be over? Or is it something that I want to end.  I love him yes and always have since he walked into my life 3 years ago but sometimes I need more out of this relationship as well.  I need  Love,  Attention and Cuddles just as much as the next person.    I ask my self every day will I ever get what I want out of life and a relationship but it seems that question is not what is ever answered.   I wish I knew how to answer that question or is it ever possible for me to be loved again?   Time will tell as with all things in life, love and happiness..