Who Saves You?


Who Saves You?  Sitting here all alone most of the time gives me alot of time to think.  I save everyone, but in the end who saves me is the question I am asking myself.  Sometimes I need someone to save me instead of me trying to save everyone.  Especially now with so much going on in life I am not sure how I am going to make it on my own right now.  I do not have a vehicle to really get around much less do anything else.   I have to move out of this place due to the landlord being a jerk and not understand anything when it comes to not having a job for a month and no one helping you like they were supposed to.  Now I have a job granted it only pays so much and I get maybe 270 after taxes a week so its hard.  So I am trying to find a new place to live as well as everything else, it is crazy. I can only do so much with no vehicle, I am ready to scream. So really I ask my self who saves me when I am needing saving?  This is not helping my depression at all, it is all that I can do not to cry all the time anymore.  I need saving right about now.   Lately all I have wanted to do is curl up in a ball watch Netflix and cry.  It seems to be my life, I miss Chris so much lately it’s not funny.   Sometimes any more all I get is a really busy, a good night and love you.   Sometimes I want more and need more.  I know work has been crazy for him because he is playing supervisor, but what about your fiancee?  Do I matter sometimes?  I guess I will find out when he comes home Saturday and Sunday. Possibly both days if I am lucky enough.  So I guess we will see how it goes.    So I guess then I will see who is saving me.. In the mean time I am saving myself, well more or less letting myself fall farther into this depression and I can’t get my self out of it lately..  I do nothing but work, come home take care of his dog, sleep and go back to work. It is the same cycle to rinse and repeat.  Over and over again.  I can not even go to the store just to get out of the house.    So I am sinking more instead of saving myself.     I guess with this only time will tell.

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