Stereotypes

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Why is it that people tend to stereo type you?  I do not get it. Unless you fully understand what Transgender is DO NOT STEREO TYPE ME.  Get to know the facts and learn to read a book from cover to cover before you judge someone.  No, I am not transgender, but Chris is.  Does that make  any difference to me? No, I love him for who he is and how he makes me feel.  People seem to place stereo types on everything they do not fully understand.  I  am not completely sure why labeling someone makes people feel better.  What people do not seem to understand is that I was married for 19 years to a Man.  Just because Chris is transgender ( female to male) does not make me a lesbian.  I think to myself, really what the fuck. It annoys me to no end that people judge Chris constantly, but do not judge me or label me!  I am human and to human is to error.   You can judge me but honestly before you label get to know me.  When you are looking for a book. Do you simply look at the back of the book and decide by that? No, You do research on it and decide from that.  Never Judge, simple get to know me and ask questions if you must.  I am just like a book. I am open and honest about everything.   Don’t like it tough. Do not stereotype me!

Ok that is enough on the rant.. I will be back with more!

LGBT

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Not something you hear everyday at work. See I work in a truck stop and I hear all kinds of things and talk to alot of different people on a daily basis.
Though when you go on break and you hear 2 adult females arguing back and forth over one topic it stays with you for a bit.  It is not something people
talk about usually and most people if you ask them if they know what It means they look at you funny. So with that being said.  LGBT  – Lesbian – Gay – Bi – Transgender!
Yes,  usually pay no mind to anything but yesterday I happened to walk in the Ladies Restroom while I was on my break and 2 ladies were  arguing back and forth between the stalls over this.  They were saying that The LGBT Community has no rights what so ever. I am standing there thinking to my self, that I am in this community since I am engaged to someone who is Transgender.
Yes, Chris is transgender! I am not ashamed to tell anyone. I love him and I am proud of him!

Though back to the topic. Yes, The LGBT Community has the same rights as everyone else.  We are all made equal and who we choose to love is no ones business but our own.
It does not make us different from anyone else. We still feel the same way, we love the same way and we hurt the same way.

Who Saves You?

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Who Saves You?  Sitting here all alone most of the time gives me alot of time to think.  I save everyone, but in the end who saves me is the question I am asking myself.  Sometimes I need someone to save me instead of me trying to save everyone.  Especially now with so much going on in life I am not sure how I am going to make it on my own right now.  I do not have a vehicle to really get around much less do anything else.   I have to move out of this place due to the landlord being a jerk and not understand anything when it comes to not having a job for a month and no one helping you like they were supposed to.  Now I have a job granted it only pays so much and I get maybe 270 after taxes a week so its hard.  So I am trying to find a new place to live as well as everything else, it is crazy. I can only do so much with no vehicle, I am ready to scream. So really I ask my self who saves me when I am needing saving?  This is not helping my depression at all, it is all that I can do not to cry all the time anymore.  I need saving right about now.   Lately all I have wanted to do is curl up in a ball watch Netflix and cry.  It seems to be my life, I miss Chris so much lately it’s not funny.   Sometimes any more all I get is a really busy, a good night and love you.   Sometimes I want more and need more.  I know work has been crazy for him because he is playing supervisor, but what about your fiancee?  Do I matter sometimes?  I guess I will find out when he comes home Saturday and Sunday. Possibly both days if I am lucky enough.  So I guess we will see how it goes.    So I guess then I will see who is saving me.. In the mean time I am saving myself, well more or less letting myself fall farther into this depression and I can’t get my self out of it lately..  I do nothing but work, come home take care of his dog, sleep and go back to work. It is the same cycle to rinse and repeat.  Over and over again.  I can not even go to the store just to get out of the house.    So I am sinking more instead of saving myself.     I guess with this only time will tell.

Trust?

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What is Trust exactly? Yes, I know what it means and yes I know that it is something that is earned and not easily given, but do you know how bad it hurts when you are in a relationship and you are told that he does not trust you.  Yes, In the past I have made mistakes. Who has not made them? We are human and we make mistakes and we are not perfect by any means.   I give you all the trust in the world and I get nothing in return.. Ummm.. REALLY.. That kind of hurts ALOT!   What seems to hurt the most is the fact that he is never around to earn my trust. Is this how you are supposed to earn someones trust. Spy on them, have someone spy on them, REALLY..  I work, Yes in my line of work I have to talk to customers all day and Smile and be polite.. I am not going to frown and all.. That is not good customer service. I work at a Truck Stop. So I deal with Truckers who are looking for that friendly face when they stop.  As far as it goes is a smile and how is your day going? That is it. Why is that a reason not to trust.. If you a re in a relationship and you say you love the person. You should trust them. Right?

I guess I have this concept wrong of what Trust really is? Am I destined to be untrustworthy for the rest of my life.
And I thought the saying goes ” Why Accuse someone of cheating or doing something they are not when you are the one doing it.”
Do I have that wrong to?

When You tell me you want to move back in with your ex Girlfriend to be near the kids because you have to get them back in your life.. Being there for the kids is not something I have a problem with I never once said you can not go spend time with them. I have the issue of Moving back in with the Ex Girlfriend part!  I am supposed to be the Fiance. Engaged to you and this is what I am told.  I do not have my engagement Ring, its always been some reason or another.    I trust him completely and get nothing in return.

Ok, Enough ranting. I want to get this posted. I will be back with an update and more soon.

xoxo,
Samantha Renee