The divorce has been final since the 11th of August and yes I am  happy about that but lately I feel that I am sinking and I do not know how to pull myself out of this depression that I am in lately.  I am struggling as it is to keep my head above water. I am trying my best to pay my bills as well as everything else and sadly right now I am not even doing that. I am struggling so bad its not funny. I am literally sinking.  I feel like no matter what I do or what I try I am never going to be able to pull my self back from this. I have been working my ass off and I have nothing to show for it. I mean nothing.  Yes I get a pay check every week, but I have no car, and need to find a place to go.. I can not stay here really any longer and until I get a vehicle I can not really do anything because of the simple fact I have no way to get anywhere. The tags are dead on the van, the breaks are bad as well as Rick never paid the insurance on it so I am screwed literally and not in a good way.  So what is it that I am supposed to do. How am I to pull my self up when I have no one to lean on?  That is the thing I have been asking my self lately. Who is there for me to depend on when I can not even depend on my self right now? No one really.. It seems that no matter how hard I try to help others, when I need the help no one is around.    So my days have been filled with working, reading and now since my blog is finally done, I will be posting more.  I want to blog the way I want to and not have someone else tell me what to post when to post or how to post.  I want to share my struggles with others from the beginning to the end. No my life has never been a cake walk and so much I can write about and maybe it will help me be a better person for sharing it with the world.  Anyways I am going to go curl up on the couch with some fruit loops and watch Netflix.  I will be back soon!