Quarantine

Quarantine

In Quarantine is not how any of us expected 2020 to turn out. Being stuck in the house non stop with people who generally are really cranky and moody you tend to want nothing to do with them. It honestly does not help when they despise your child and have not real good reason to. Just because she is not your normal teenager. He is his own person and that is how they are raised. Constantly hearing how bad of a job I am doing raising him and that I am not a mother to him. Makes me think honestly that I am a bad mom and an unfit parent at that. They don’t realize that it weighs heavy on me, I did my best to raise my children and to take care of my children.

Though lately it seems that no matter what I do our say is wrong. I know that no one likes him and that’s the thing. He knows this mainly because no one will say two words to him and they tiptoe around because they are scared of what a 14 year old. Do they not get this is new for him. Not to go out and do things, because of the virus. And partly because don’t think a child needs to go anywhere. That kids should be seen and not heard. I’m sorry I am allowing my child too heave a mind of his own. I have never once told my child that they could be quiet. Then I am told he spends to much time in his room on the phone, watching something or drawing.. Since when is that a problem because I am not making him do your bidding and all the fucking housework.. I am sorry but when you have 3 other adults in the house who is actually capable of doing a few things but wont for one reason or another. Then it all falls back on me then I am told that I am lazy as well because I do not do it right away. God forbid I get up and sit down for a bit and wake up before I jump into chores..

I am the type of person who needs coffee to wake up most mornings.. But seriously when you go to bed at almost 5 am because no one will let you sleep before then and you are getting 4 hours sleep yes you need alot of coffee! Sadly I don’t get that. Maybe 2 cups a day if I am lucky!   Sometimes I get lucky and am actually able to sit and relax before jumping into anything. Though honestly that is a rare chance.

Anyways I hope the Quarantine life is treating you better.
Stay Safe and lots of Love!

 

 

Struggling

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Over the past couple of days I have really been struggling with many things.. I am depressed and no one really seems to care. I keep things hidden because no matter what I do its always the same thing

” You bring this on your self.”

” You are a bad person”

“You need to loose weight”

“You need to stop being such a baby”

“It’s all your fault Kris is the way she is”

“You made her this way”

So why bother telling anyone anything if all you do is get blamed for everything no matter what.  I have learned that you are not supposed to regret the choices you make in life. You should learn from them.  Yes, I never regret any of my choices and I have learned alot from things.

My struggles with all of that has been making me rethink the blog and its entirety! I mean granted the name and domain was given to me by a dear friend of mine so i just went with it and made it my own. I have been struggling with do I start something new that is my own or just continue this one..   I am torn i really am.. For years i have used Standing Still and now this. So its like what do i do..

The struggles at home are reflecting heavily on my blog choices.

 

 

 

 

A New Year

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Well today marks the second day to the New Year and I am not sure how I am liking it so far.  I mean the 1st of the year was OK, but today we got an unexpected call that no one really wants to here, the partners mother passed away this morning and it was a complete shock to us all. I mean complete shock.    I think once the funeral is done and over with things will kind of get better and semi easier., though who knows really.. Its a New Year and a new Start!

Other than that  2020 promises to be a good year. Well we can hope so anyway.  I am sure I will still have my challenges this year as I did last but that is about it..  No resolutions that are never really kept anyway.   I do not see the point.. Yes, I always say i am going to blog more but i have not see that happen yet! I say that i am going to do this and that and nothing has happened yet! So no resolutions. Just see how the year goes and hopefully it is a good one!

Well, It took me a bit to get back to this post and finish it. Alot has happened over the 6 days.  My Partners birth mom passed away unexpectedly and its been a mess here. Going through her things now and the funeral. I just want to scream. I can not seem to catch a break honestly. I am over ran!  Though I am hoping that once things settle down I will be able to sit and write more, though who knows..  Well I better get this posted.. Will be back soon with an update!

 

 

 

 

Hello December

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Hello December, You come with ice which is most definitely not welcomed but it is part of who you are!  I hope you are an eventful month, though knowing my luck you will not be.  It marks yet another month at the end of the year as we are starting a new year soon!     So far you have been fairly good. I managed to actually get a desk,  so I have that set the way i want it and plenty of room to move around now!  I am happy about that though.    I just hope the month gets better than worse.

So we are sitting here near the end of December and things have gotten semi better but not as much as I would hope.. It has been hectic but  i am getting through it.

So maybe In January a better year with more writing .We will see.. See you in January!